"Tis the Season.....

Earlier in the week Dave told me to save Wednesday night, as he has something planned for us to do but it was a surprise. Rolled my eyes and wondered what he had up his sleeve. He isn't one for planning very many surprises, but when he does, it is a pretty good one! As it turned out, he just had to make sure we were home on Wednesday evening.

So Wednesday night rolls around and I ask him what time we are leaving for our "surprise" and he says about 5:00 - 5:30. O.K. I say, so I am sitting, relaxing and waiting for the time to pass, wondering if we are going to dinner or a movie or if he found something a little different in the newspaper to go and do. So I am reading a book, waiting for time to pass, when I hear the unmistakable sound of live band instruments in our front yard.


So I walk slowly down our hallway and open the front door. Outside, completely covering our front lawn were dozens of people. I was greeted by members of our band, playing Christmas music. Not only was our band there, but others had come to join in as well.


Our choir director was there, with members of choir and other students and staff members as well. They sang while accompanied by the band.

Our band director was there, directing the band, of course!

It took a little bit of organizing between band director and choir director, but they got it together marvelously. I enjoyed every single second of it.

I am watching everyone - and completely overwhelmed. It was cold outside, but I didn't feel any kind of a chill at all until everyone had left. I was so completely and totally overwhelmed at the time that others took from their Holiday celebrations (it is December 23rd for Pete's sake!) to come and share with me. The warmth and love that was there completely melted the chill in the air. I truly didn't feel it at all. (Maybe the Boise folks will scoff at the 50 degree "chill" that was in the air at the time, but coats and thermal underwear were certainly in order for this California gal.)

A few staff members took time from their own Holiday preparations and families to come and join in.

The baseball team was there. Thanks generous Katella parents for sharing your kids with me.

Some of choir was there - one of the girls even wearing her black and purple Knights Fighting Cancer shirt.

Me and the band. Aren't they beautiful????

Of course you will never see anything like this in the newspaper. You don't hear much of love and generosity and giving and kindness in the press or on the news - mostly it is of toys being stolen and hearts being broken at this time of year. If you are lucky enough though, you might be able to experience this feeling of Good Will Toward Men and sharing. It's out there. Proof enough?

Go Knights!

(Of course I will never be able to say "No" to another student or group or club again after I return to work. Last minute requisition? No problem! Need a check yesterday? Here it is!!! )

Love you all! (and thanks again...)

Wonderful Colleagues

As I kind of hinted at in my last post, I was going to tell about "Knights Fighting Cancer".

Below is a photograph I took of a picture that hangs front and center in our family room. Across the bottom it says "Knights Fighting Cancer". In the picture is the Staff at Katella High School, the place where I work. On the matt of the picture are the signatures of those wonderful people at Katella High School.

They all took the time from a staff meeting to do this for me. I can't imagine what it was like to organize over 100 people and get them all up there on time and in some assemblance of order and then all look at the camera at the same time. Aren't they BEAUTIFUL? Then to get them all to individually come in and sign the matt at well. It is so nicely and professionally framed, as you can see, and the little purple ribbon adds a touch of class.

It radiates warmth and love everytime I pass it. It also makes me smile, no matter how difficult that particular day might be.

And speaking of purple. . . . .

After a bit of research by a staff member, it was learned that my particular cancer is symbolized by the color purple. Armed with this infomation, a small movement began. Staff members were asked to wear purple on Wednesdays as a show of support for me or for anyone else that they knew of that was also fighting a battle with cancer. I had no knowledge of this request or of anything else that was going on. I was still working on the first Wednesday this was to happen. I arrived at work and noticed that there was a lot of purple walking around, especially among staff members. I idly wondered about it from time to time but dismissed it just as quickly, too, as mine is a busy office without much time to idly wonder about things. It wasn't until later in the day that I was told what it was all about. I absolutely came apart. Everytime I saw a staff member after that I had to deal with tears of love and gratitude. Then I learned that black tee shirts with purple ribbons printed on them, along with purple bracelets, had been ordered and staff could buy them. If you could see more detail in the picture, you would see that most people are wearing their tee shirts.

The students were talked to in class about cancer and the battle that it was and they too were asked to wear purple if they knew someone who was dealing with it. There was a sweet young girl who put together dozens and dozens of purple ribbons to pass out, just in case anyone had forgotten. I also received a purple IPod with music already on it. It's kind of known that I'm not much of a techie so everything was taken care of for me.

I have received cards in addition, both from people at Katella and people with my job at other schools in the district. They have all truly helped so much.

Aren't I lucky to work with such a wonderful group of people?

GO KNIGHTS!

DURING.....

So I thought I had hit a wall last time. Little did I know that it was only a speed bump.

Here are a few pictures though. This is the radiation machine. Treatments are generally daily. Will explain that part later. I climb up on the "bed" and lie face down. They move the bed forward and then get me in perfect position by moving me a tad up or down or left or right, usually by just pulling the sheet that is under me.


Then, as you can see in this picture, after I am positioned perfectly, the whole bed raises up and moves forward. That is me, lying on the table. (They have modestly covered me up for my photo shoot!) So I will get a treatment of radiation in this position. It literally takes less than 5 minutes and then they change the position of the machine to get the tumor from a different angle.

It just rolls under me while I stay in the same position. They shoot the radiation beams from this angle, again taking less than 5 minutes. Then they lower the table to it's original position, back it out, and then I scoot down and climb off, returning again in 24 hours to do it all over again. Through this part of the treatment I feel absolutly nothing except how cold it is in that room. I always have a sweatshirt or jacket on under the hospital gown. I'm sure that has nothing to do with the treatment itself - it's just the air conditioning.

At the beginning of this blog I bravely put a "before" picture. Then, I was going to put an "after" picture when things were done. Here is a "during" picture. Not to frighten anyone, but I have seen even worse "during" sites of me in mirrors. Things are progressing though.

I still have enough hair that I can go out in public without worrying about it. I think I am done losing hair now though and it will hopefully thicken up again as new hair grows in. I have finished both of my chemo treatments (2nd one was November 12 - 16) with very very little side effects. I still have the PICC in my arm however. They're just being sure that I won't need any kind of hydration or transfusions before the radiation is over. If so, the PICC is the quickest and most efficient way of administering both.

Originally I was to be done with the radiation on November 25th, the day before Thanksgiving. I had been having daily treatments since October 15th. On the 19th of November (a Thursday)however, I asked my doctor about hospitalization. Skin damage due to radiation was getting very severe. Skin was peeling and seeping and bleeding. Walking was difficult at best, and I began using a wheel chair to get to and from our car and my appointments. Sitting was not a lot better. I found out the true meaning of the word excruciating. I use it to describe what it was like going to the bathroom when the acid from the urine would hit that skin. I couldn't imagine continuing on like this so I asked the doctor about being hospitalized. I imagined being on a constant IV drip for pain while I continued with the treatments (only had five more to go at that point). Instead though, he stopped the treatments for 7 days, and that had two weekends included, so for 11 days I went without radiation so I could heal some. Between all of your prayers and my prayers and the things I learned from reading in the scriptures and the promises of the Atonement I healed enough so that I could begin treatments again on December 2nd. At this writing I only have 2 more treatments to go - Monday the 7th and Tuesday the 8th. Things are going very very well.

I won't go into detail about the pain patches that one wears 24/7, and stronger pain tablets (that one takes in addition to the patches every 4 hours), and salves and ointments and bathroom procedures that often take half an hour. Almost all of that is behind me now though, and as I said, things are going very very well. (If you want details of things I have leanred and discovered to make things a bit more tolerable so that it might posssibly help someone elseI would be glad to share. Give me a call.)

I'll just end this post by saying that we are promised some pretty wonderful things in the scriptures. All we need to do is be aware of them (and of course we become aware of them by reading about them), and then simply ask for thoses blessings.

I have so many things to share. I still need 2-3 naps daily though and can feel a need for one now! Can hardly wait to tell you about Knights Fighting Cancer.

Love and thanks to everyone who has supported me and helped me along this journey.

Hit the Wall!

Don't even have the energy to take a picture to post. I guess you can tell though, I haven't been on the loop or either of my blogs in over a week. Whew! Hit a wall. No energy and no enthusiasm. I am also officially on leave at work. I have an 8 hour job for a reason, and putting in three, four or five hours a day just wasn't keeping up. I asked for a sub and they have "ordered one".

I am now 2/3 of the way through my treatments. My last chemo started today. Same as last time. Wearing a battery pack that will administer the chemo drip 24/7 for 4 days. Everyone celebrate with me on Monday at 4:30 p.m. That's when they will take off the battery pack/chemo drip!!! Am a bit scared as to the side effects. My body is a bit more tired and weak this time around, but I had a wonderful blessing tonight administered by my angel husband and our bishop. That's probably why I am feeling good enough to write a few lines.

The chemo stays in your system about 6 or so weeks. That is why I am starting to lose my hair now, so long after the first treatment. Doctor said I shouldn't lose it all though, maybe about 30% more with this treatment. I guess we will just see how thin it can get before something needs to be done. (If it needs to be done at all.......) Sweet Jody spent about an hour with me learning to tie scarf knots and seeing it done on U Tube and watching it over and over again so I could feel encouraged about doing it. We learned a lot! (You gotta wear earrings was probably Number 1!)

Mouth sores was the worst - but there is a wonderful prescription called Magic Mouthwash (no, it really is called that) and it is a miracle worker. All I am asking of it is one more miracle!

My final radiation treatment is November 25th. Another day for everyone to celebrate at around 5:00 p.m. (My standing appointment is at 4:30)

And last but not least. I have been finding some time to read on and off and have been making some notes about things that have struck a chord with me. I won't put them all in this entry, but maybe eventually they will make it in other enteries.

Here are two of the first things I learned:

Worry: It is fruitless to worry about the things you cannot change. Also, don't worry about the things you can change. If they are important enough to worry about, then change it! (Stop wasting your energy by worrying spinning your wheels needlessly!)

When we pray, we often ask God to change the external aspects of our lives. This way, we don't have to change internally. (Bam! Think about that one!!!)

ONE THIRD 1/3 ONE THIRD

You might notice that everything in the picture below is divided into thirds. This has been a very significant number to me this week. As of Wednesday, October 28th, I have completed 1/3 of my treatment.

I am excited for this milestone. Every Thursday a new week starts. (I remember feeling this way when pregnant - when a certain day of the week would signal one more week closer to the all important 40 weeks!) I've been given a 6 week time table, although I may need a few more radiation treatments into that 7th week.


Being tired and having to be on pain meds is really the only thing that I could even possibly complain about. I took only 1 day off work this week, but I think I am going to be leaving a few hours early each day as a rule. We have found someone at to do the daily bulletin for me until I can take it on again. Big relief, because I do the bulletin late in the day and often times would have left except that that had to still be done. I am anxious for this stupid tumor to shrink some more because I still need pain medication. I take it every 4 hours. The last 30 - 45 minutes of my 4 hours isn't too comfortable though, as it is wearing off and then the first 1/2 hour of the next 4 hours isn't so great either while I'm waiting for the new dose to kick in. It was a lot worse in the beginning though, so I think I am seeing some progress.

You know how they say to visualize something happening to obtain positive results? Remember the scene in Wizard of Oz where the witch is shrinking because of the water that was thrown on her? Well I picture my tumor as an ugly green and uncomfortabley screaming "I'm shrinking!" whenever I have a radiation treatment. However, having seen Wicked and knowing the TRUTH about that scene.........

Last but not least.

Because of the dear, sweet, wonderful man that I am married to I am able to have this magnet and hang it on my fridge with pride!

Dave does absolutly everything for me and then tries to find ways to do more. He really is a strength and puts up lovingly with my getting up so many times in the middle of the night and is so encouraging when I tell him how tired I am of all this (and I have been known to whine a bit too). I know it wakes him and I don't know if it is all that easy for him to get back to sleep as I toss and turn trying to get comfortable. He keeps me warm, as most of the time I am cold these days. That can't be comfortable - sleeping next to an ice cube! He doesn't let me become afraid. He keeps my courage up.

I am glad for anyone that would like to read this blog to go ahead and do so. Nice to "meet" Chip's aunt, as I read so many of her comments on Chip's cross country bike ride and felt like I kind of knew her anyway.

Things are going very very well. I have had some very powerful blessings and know that all I have to do is bide my time. Thank you everyone for your love and concern. You make me feel so good!

Very small new development

First of all, I am so tired of the main focus of my family being on cancer. It seems as if we talk of nothing else and focus on nothing else. There is all sorts of stuff going on out there so that's why I've posted these two random pictures. Life does go on! And other people have things going on in their lives and have needs too! (But I do have a small "C" word update for later.....)
This is our most recent Court of Honor. Austen is a Life Scout now. Next step is Eagle. Anyone have any good suggestions for an Eagle Project (that his parents will enjoy assisting him with)?

I pulled up the wrong picture first time around but didn't have the heart to delete it. This is Matt and Katie Worley's baby boy. I call him Cotty. His parents call him Scott. (You can see Katie in the background.)

Now for the other news. Side effects. The nurse did say that the chemo would be in my system for a few days after they removed the pump. I was under the impression that since I have had no new side effects after the 2 or so days of being off chemo that I was done or was not going to have any more.

Wrong.

Mouth tenderness and sores. Think canker sores. Ouch! Hurts lots! Hurts lots and lots! I can eat soup. That's about it. (Have lost 33 poinds so far.) I drink it though, 'cause if I slip and the spoon touches something - Yikes! I was able to get a mouthwash prescription though for this thick stuff that you swish around (ouch while swishing) for two minutes - at least that is what the instructions are - and then swallow. Instant numbness - feels good! I couldn't swish for two minutes though because I didn't want to lose it (sooooo yucky) so I swallowed after about 30 seconds. I'm supposed to do this every 4 hours. Did it at about 6:00 and am still pretty comfortable in my mouth so I might just as well stop complaining and either swallow the yuck or have unbearable mouth sores. Which would you choose???

Kind of makes me wonder though if I'm still a candidate to lose my hair..... Was hoping that I had dodged that bullet.

Does anyone know what happened to October 20th? I think we had one, but I couldn't tell you a thing about it.

I know I spent all of it right here though.

As you all know, I had chemotherapy via a battery operated pump on Thursday (Oct 15th), Friday, Saturday and Sunday. I felt great on Friday and went to work. Felt good on Saturday and felt O.K. on Sunday. Felt relieved on Monday (and a little excited) because the chemo drip would be empty at about 4:30 and I would get the fanny pack off! Sleeping and showering with it were a little tricky. So I did get it off and felt, as I said, relieved but physically a little beat up. The nurses said I would probably feel chemo effects for about 2 more days while the stuff still circulated through my system.

Tried to go to work on Tuesday, and knew before I even left the house that it was not to be. Went to the school though to take Austen and open the safe and give instructions about money and how much stuff sold for and doing the bulletin, etc., and realized that I really didn't care at that point and all I wanted to do was get home and lie down. So, I got home at about 8:00 a.m. and did just that. It was my intention to take a nap and then get caught up on the computer so people wouldn't worry and maybe even watch a movie. Layed down, fell asleep, got up at 4:00 to go get a radiation treatment, came home, layed down again and got up at 8:00 to eat dinner so I could go to bed. Whew! Knocked me on my fanny. I was so exhausted!

Got up this morning though and felt so very much better! Went to work and had a really good day, too. (Get out a Kleenex for the next part.)

Arrived, looked around and an awful lot of people are wearing purple. Didn't think a whole lot about it, but thought several more times throughout the day - What's with all the purple? Just about the entire staff and many of the kids were in purple shirts/tee shirts/wore ribbons of some form. Then I found out. It had been organized as a cancer awareness day, and Jason and company has asked everyone to wear purple on Wednesdays in support of me. After that, I had a melt down everytime I saw another staff member in a purple shirt or wearing a purple ribbon. (Good thing I wasn't told about it until after lunch or I would have been a sobbing wreck all day long.) Many of the kids (ASB, Cheer, Etc.) that I work with were in purple and several teachers had talked to their classes and asked them to wear purple too if they knew someone that had been affected by cancer. I have felt such love and support. FHA (Future Homemakers of America) made a lasagne for me to take home and freeze!

Technically, I will have another chemo 4-day pump thing starting November 11, and the radiation continues Monday - Friday for about 6 weeks. I am told it will take about 2-3 weeks after the radiation treatment stop for skin to heal, etc. Side effects? Certainly not what has been described in the books. Still have hair (not sure if it still might fall out or not), no nausea, no mouth sores, just a little tender, no finget tenderness, etc. Makes me wonder if my next treatment will have the same effects of if in my weakened state will have more of an effect. I will find out I hope on Monday when I see the oncologist. Stage 2 cancer (which I have) is treatable with a lot of success - I didn't like it when he said (the radiologist) that it was hard to treat however, but I will take it nonetheless. Pain management is probably my biggest problem, but it is usually under control. I have lost 33 pounds, but all is well. All is well.

No one has a better support system than I have from my Katella family, my ward family, to my wonderful children and their spouses and my grandchildren, to my wonderful, patient, dedicated husband. I am truly blessed and grateful.

FIRST TREATMENT

You all remember what the PICC looks like. It is through that blue tip that all the drugs administered to me today in chemo were introduced into my body. Keep on reading. I will refer to the PICC later. (Or, as soon as I remember have Jody show me why I am unsuccessful at moving pictures around, later posts will have the pictures where I think they should be instead of where the computer puts them. Just roll with it folks.)(But then again, she might not remember because, as we all know, it has been a long long long time since Jody has updated her blog........)

But I digress.

First chemo and radiation treatments today. So far, so good!

Radiation was a snap. Go in, change to a hospital gown, lie on table for about 10 minutes and listen to the buzzing and clicking. Can't feel a thing. Get off table, change back into street clothes. Ordinarily I would be done at this point, but the nurse came in and talked to Dave and me about nutrition, side effects, care of the area, etc. Probably takes an hour, including travel time, or so if everyone is on time. I have the last appointment of the day, 4:30, so you know the nurses are wanting to go home and will not be dawdling! Sounds like skin damage (making the area very sore and tender) and diarrea may be the biggest side effects.

Chemo was a snap too, only a longer snap. Went to the treatment room, where the first medication they put in through the PICC was an anti-nausea drug. Took about 15 minutes. It is working wonderfully, however that did not stop Dave from going straight to the store to pick up two oral anti-nausea medications for me to have just in case..... Did I ever tell you how good he is to me?

The next medication they gave me was Mytomycin. It was also administered through the PICC and took about 30 minutes. Nothing really to report - felt nothing at all. Just a little scared, afterall I am putting poison into my body.

The last medication that they administered (and am still on) is Fluoraouracil. I say I am still on it because it will take 4 days to administer. They hook up the drug to a plastic tube for it to flow through which is hooked up to a pump, powered by a square 9 volt battery.

Everything is stuffed into the black fanny pack/shoulder bag that you see in the picture. The tubing that you see me holding in my right hand comes out of the fanny pack and goes up under all clothing, next to the skin, over the shoulder and down into the PICC. Everywhere I go I take my little black bag with me. Sleep with it, shower with it (we'll have to figure that one out 'cause the pump unit can't get wet) - my new best friend. So far, the only side effect is how heavy the bag is and how it keeps dragging down on my shoulder. Big wow, huh! The white stuff on my arm is only a protection to help keep the PICC from being dislodged.

Real side effects to expect though are fatigue, mouth sores (like canker sores) and perhaps nausea. If I feel anything tomorrow morning like I do this evening, I will be going to work. I can't say again how good everyone is to me at work. Lots of support, concern, love and prayers. Jason and Joan have threatened me. At the first sign of anything, I go home. I can do that!


Dave isn't aware of backgrounds. Should have straightened up (and smiled) a bit for my photo shoot!

In the beginning.....

I think I became aware that something going on when I was visiting Boise in April.

One morning I was extremely constipated and was bound and determined to get something out. So, I strained quite a bit but never did "unconstipate". So I read about constipation and tried all the home remedies. I was beginning to be aware of a mass, but was sure that I had caused some pretty good sized hemorrhoids and that that is what it was. Eventually, I went to my regular doctor to see what to do about constipation. This was probably in June some time. She had me do all the fiber in your diet, ducolax, colace routine. Nothing changed except for the fact that it took about 3 or so weeks to try all these things and then report the results.

Then I went to a friend who uses a lot of natural type health products. I asked her about severe constipation and from there we tried a colon cleanse and other natural products. All together this took about 6 weeks. I certainly was no longer constipated what with all the fiber I was taking, but I was becoming very uncomfortable down there. It just plain old HURT! I remember when the Makaafi's were here in July going to the store for Preparation H type stuff. Anything to bring some relief!! (Still sure that it was a bad case of hemorrhoids.)

I did make another doctor appointment though, this time with a new doctor who doesn't necessarily go to prescription drugs automatically. Took me 2 weeks to get in to see her because she was on vacation. We did some thyroid lab work and when all was well there, she recommended I get a colonoscopy to see what, if anything, was going on. Looking back on it, I think she suspected something but didn't want to say anything without solid evidence. In the meantime, she thought I should try a dairy free and gluten free diet in case it really was constipation. That went on for three weeks (longest three weeks of my life!) until I could get in to see the doctor she recommended for the colonoscopy. (He was on vacation too!) So with all the colon cleansing and waiting for doctors to get back from vacations, I lost quite a bit of time.

Finally, on September 24th, I saw Dr. Moro, a rectal surgery specialist (the colonoscopy doctor). After asking lots of questions and writing down my history and all, he did a quick exam and confirmed it right then and there that it was a malignant tumor. He said that a biopsy would confirm it for sure, but that with all of his experience he was 95% sure of what he saw.

Then came a roller coaster ride of this scan and that scan and seeing a radiologist (Dr. Ash) and an oncologist (Dr. Mahmood) and lots and lots of lab work. As a result of all of this, I will receive my first radaition treatment and chemo infusion tomorrow, October 15, 2009.

A NEW TWIST

When I first started this blog, it was a while back. I was frustrated by my weight. I named the blog what I did because I figured I would take itty bitty baby steps, one at a time and lose it! (I never did.)

I've changed the focus of this blog though. Still taking itty bitty baby steps, one day (sometimes one hour) at a time, I am going to rid my body of the cancer that has been found.

It was diagnosed on September 24, 2009 as a squamous cell anal cancer. A lot happened before the 24th of September to get me to that point, which I will write about another time. Now though, I am on pain meds 24/7 and am waiting for the next dose of Darvicet to kick in. I have been sitting for a while (paid bills) and need to get in a different position. This thing hurts!

I also think I need to post a "before" picture, not knowing what the during and after will be like!